


Say goodbye.

by mscerisier



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Forgiving, Kind of Tony-centric, M/M, Major Character Injury, Major character death - Freeform, Minor Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers, Misunderstandings, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Post Captain America: Civil War, Spoilers for Captain America: Civil War, past Steve Rogers/Peggy Carter - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-05 08:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6697201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mscerisier/pseuds/mscerisier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain America: Civil War spoilers people, please remember that and read with caution.</p><p>In the aftermath of the Sokovia Accords: Tony Stark begun a fight that seems endless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cellphone

**Author's Note:**

> So today was the premiere of CA:CW in my country, this first time I'd seen it in Spanish so it could have some inconsistencies...tomorrow I will go to see it in English, let's hope that the second time was the charm and I can lower the number of mistakes.
> 
> I have a lot of ideas, a lot of plots...all of them interesting for me; let's see how this one goes and then maybe I can convice myself in writing the rest.
> 
> Thank you for reading and please tell me if something was wrong, I'd help like you have no idea especially since this is my second language.

Sometimes he watched that _ridiculous outdated_ cellphone that Cap sent him and Tony didn’t know what to think, he has spent some hours here and there thinking about its meaning, he had thought about call him but that impulse didn’t last long; at least not when he remembered about Steve lying to him, about his teammates in the RAFT and those that didn’t want to be found. When he remembered why there were not more Avengers.

He knew that he let himself be blinded by facts; something not especially unusual by him because hello he is an engineer…a scientist if you wanted, hard numbers and facts were his life. However, he decided to ignore that little voice that told him how wrong all of this seemed, in his defense that same voice was usually the one that had those ‘ _awesome_ ’ ideas like Ultron, so disregarding it was not so difficult and having Natasha’s not exactly approval but understanding sold it. He forgot about how fucking white and black the law seemed to be sometimes.

He recognized convoluted politics miles away and he did know the game after decades playing it. He told the congress assclowns a couple of years ago. That’s why he knew that he had to sign the damned accord…

Because he sincerely believed that they needed to have some form of control, _accountability_ , because operating without any baseline its just as dangerous as super villains, Tony didn’t like to agree with Ross but they were not more like lousy Vigilantes. They were a lot of innocents’ deaths, as proof of that, and the tally seemed to rise after each battle. Not amount of training appeared to help on that, it wasn’t totally their fault but they hadn’t had any form to defend their actions too.

Tony saw the accords as both: as a form of accountability and as a form of protection for them. It’s practically impossible battled without some form of collateral damage. A lot of ‘super’ ‘enhanced’ humans begun to pop everywhere, some of them with the right motivation but without training making them just as dangerous as the super villains they fight for the people they swore to protect.

Just look at him, his fantastic ideas destroyed a country. They were a threat and it didn’t matter what Steve had to say, they couldn’t control themselves.

But if they were there since the beginning they could have a tell in what those regulations would be; they could turn the accords to their benefit with compromising, but that word apparently didn’t exist in Cap’s dictionary.

He was so fucking angry, when Steve told him that they would deal with Ultron together, he believed him and then just saw what together ended to be. Captain America decided to sacrifice all that they were, Tony sometimes wondered if Steve realized the extend of that, he would have to know.

Then all the scheme of Zemo came to light and Tony hoped…he finally saw an exit, one with the less repercussions. One where Cap could have his bestie while he tried to forget that Rhodey could end paraplegic as the result of this wanton fight.

But Steve lied to him…to ‘protect’ him he said, and didn’t it was so deliciously ironic?, it wasn’t what started all the Ultron debacle for him. Was trust not what Steve demanded that time? He knew since then the fucking hypocrite; who gave him the power to decide what he could or couldn’t know?

They were his fucking parents he had the right to know how they died. He lost that day his mother, aside for Jarvis and Ana, the only of light in his childhood; his innocent mother whose only crime was to be there with Howard.

He saw red, he hadn’t thought beyond killing the man that assassinated his mother, Tony forgot about all the programming and HYDRA’s orders, he only wanted the blood of the man that strangulated Maria…the one that left him an orphan at nineteen.

Tony glared at the cellphone for minutes here and there and asked himself about the reason of why Rogers sent him that. He had read the letter a couple of times, more like hundreds of times, but he didn’t dare to believe what the missive said.

Once upon a time he might have believed those words, but now he couldn’t afford it. He still had accords to emend, the UN to convince, a best friend to help and an ex-girlfriend to make rights to.

Tony took the cellphone and put it in a desk drawer, in a couple of days he would put it out again and stared at it for some time, a routine that he begun for weeks now. He would ask himself why he hadn’t destroyed the cellphone yet, why did he not prevent his teammates fugue of the RAFT, he would think about million of ‘ifs’ until the next meeting, or the next time he accompany Rhodey to his rehabilitation session.

But he knew the answer, because after all Iron Man was an Avenger just like the rest of them, and if they could not be a team _family_ anymore, they could be allies when the shit hit the fan again.

Another reason? Because for all the wanted to put all the blame on Steve, Tony drowned in guilt in what he could have done better to prevent all that happened.

He was a futurist after all.

“Boss your 12 o clock is here” FRIDAY announced.

Tony sighed and stalked his face with the palms of his hands trying to put aside those useless thoughts.

“Let him pass”

He would need an Advil after this talk, speaking with Ross was always headache inducing.

 

 


	2. Graveyards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wondered if his father felt as disappointed of him as he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here I am, I won't call quotes of the movie in what I wrote here...because they are not, 'cause I am terrible in remembering word by word without hearing at least five times?, but I tended to keep the feelings that they gave me in that moment. Thus I hope you can deal with that.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos, bookmarks and kind comments.

**Chapter 2: Graveyards.**

He tended to avoid emotional problems, put in front of him some machine to fix or a mathematical problem, tell him to find a solution to the Global warm or build a architectural marvel, he would do all of them; although if you hinted for him to talk about his feelings he would avoid it with all his might. He was telling the true in his MIT presentation, he could have said a lot of things that day but he told them nothing. He saw his parents as eternal beings, the form a son or daughter tended to do…it sounds impossible to hear that your parents could die at least not until you have your own, until much later in your life.

He grieved his father’s death in a way too paradoxical to explain in public, he hated and loved Howard at the same time, what had hurt the most was not being able to demonstrate his worthiness of the Stark surname, to not obligate Howard to say that he was proud of his with his achievements. He was selfish with his Dad’s death, his ego was what hurt the most.

But his mother’s death was what begun the spiral of destruction that his life turned into, well at least more destructive than before. Because the only good thing about being birth in the Stark family was Maria, with her soft ‘ _bambino_ ’ whispered in the nights before he went to sleep and she didn’t have a gala, all the kisses and ‘ _ti amo_ ’ before he returned to the boarding school, the afternoons in front of the piano with him most of the time hearing his mother playing while laying in the divan or him learning to play with her agile hands guiding his clumsy ones. Maria Stark consisted in moments all of them so precious.

He never talked about how his mother’s death have been killing him day by day for a long time until there is no more of him left to consume, how much he missed her and needed her.

The only person who came close the truth was Jarvis and that was another can of worms that he didn’t want to touch.

Maybe that was one of the reasons he didn’t went to Aunt Peggy’s funeral, that and that he wasn’t really family, not the way Sharon is or the connection that Steve had. Even if Sharon called him telling him the hour and place and asking if he wanted to say something. He didn’t deserve that privilege.

But maybe it was a high time for him to visit his ghosts, he could start with his mother and when being in London Peggy’s and Jarvis and Anna’s, and if he had the courage he could end with his father.

Tony could tell Aunt Peggy about the Accords and asked Jarvis if he did the right thing supporting them, he could tell his mother about how much he desired that the things didn’t end like that how much he regretted that it cost them their team. He could have shared in a whisper, like he used to do as a kid, that he wanted them to be a family with Anna.

“I wanted to save the world” Tony said to his father’s gravestone, “I wanted to do the right thing, but I don’t know what the right thing is anymore”

 

He wondered if his father felt as disappointed of him as he did.

-

*

-

“I want to kill him, _Mama_ , but I can’t because I know you wouldn't want that and because it’s not really his fault, but how I want…because you never deserved that”

-

*

-

He was so tired of fighting; Tony sometimes cached himself wishing that instead of hitting the arc reactor Steve had hit his skull or destroyed his trachea with his shield. He knew that it was the depression talking, but it was a current theme since Afghanistan.

The only time he tried to speak about it the other person fell sleep, he didn’t judge him but he wondered if Bruce hadn’t fell sleep that time, he would have helped Tony or it would be worse.

Because Bruce Banner was only another person that he managed to drive off from him, just other name in the large list of people that he was too much for them.

.

.

.

“It was worthy Tony” Rhodey said after a hard rehabilitation session, “I believed in those Accords, they were not perfect…but the essence? They were right and if my injury was the price at least it was me and not civilians this time”

Tony shook his head in denial.

“You didn’t deserve this”

“It was my choice, it wasn’t your fault”

Tony didn’t believe that Rhodey knew it and wondered when his friend would abandon that cave. How could he lose the Tony from MIT? And why did he not do anything to recuperate him?

“I am sorry” Rhodey whispered in his hair hugging him with all the force he could muster, in a way that he hadn’t hug him in years and he regretted not doing it.

He doubted that Rogers really know what he decided to sacrifice.

.

.

.

_“Because the Avengers were more your family than mine”_

_._

_._

_._

“With great power comes great responsibility” Peter said, “That was one of the favorite phrases of my Uncle” he explained to him, the boy didn’t see him at the eyes preferring playing with his long sleeve shirt, “He said it for last time a little after I acquired my powers and he died.”

There was an awkward silence…Tony was not good with feelings and people insisted in talking to him about them. But Peter is young, so painfully young for the kind of living that the Avengers had; however, the boy needed them and Tony wanted to protect him.

“Is it the reason for being Spider-man?” he asked nonjudgmental.

“Yes, no” Peter seemed frustrated with the answer, “In part, but when you saw something happening and you have the power to help, how could you not?”

Just like hundreds of others, people with super powers, normal people…all of them inspired thanks to them to do the right thing. Some of the positive things that the Avengers achieved and Tony was proud of.

“It is not easy” Tony said defeated, “There will be times where you have to make hard decisions”

“I never expected to be easy”

He seemed so sure, so determined to do well, just like him in the beginning when he searched for all his weapons. When he was arrogant enough to believe he could single-handed put peace in the world, just to now know that he put on march something bigger than him.

But he could help him and maybe in doing that he could redeem himself.

“Welcome to the Avengers, kid” Tony said flippantly, “You have a life insurance, dental program and the worst working hours in the world”

.

.

.

In Maria Stark’s grave now lies a beautiful bouquet of white lilies, her favorites.

.

.

.

_“I’ll be there if you need me”_

.


	3. Outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calls and unexpected help.

When he decided to send the package he didn’t think more of it, really, Steve didn’t expect anything from Tony, he just wanted to say sorry for not telling him the true about his parents death; however, he was not sorry for not signing the Accords, for not compromising his beliefs, his values, his dignity as citizen of the USA, for not renouncing to his freedom. Yes, Steve regretted that all finished like that and his teammates had to choose between them, that the rest decided to sign and left them.

Steve didn’t understand why they’ve chose those convoluted politics but he respected their choice, at least they believed in their cause and he was sure that even if now they respond to another they would still save people. That was their real work…to protect the little guy.

Even if they were in different sides, they had the same objective.

So he sent Tony a cellphone and a letter, Steve didn’t know if Tony would ever call or would read the latter, Tony could have just throw it away; but Steve wanted to think that at the very least Tony would keep the phone and consider his words. He was a good man, even if Tony himself didn’t believe so. Steve could believe for both of them.

Tony might never forgive him, but he wouldn’t put in risk the life of the people they fought for with something so petty like revenge. So he would wait for his call.

.

.

.

Laura Barton have received a lot of calls in her life, some of them good and the rest from Clint assuring her that he was still alive. So when he told her that he couldn’t go with the kids and had to help Cap, Laura accepted it even if she didn’t approve it.

Because when her husband decided of something he would do it and nobody could change his mind. That was how Natasha came to their life. She didn’t regret that decision yet.

But after New York all of it changed, then came Ultron and their secret was exposed to more people, Earth’s mightiest heroes, yes, but they were more persons in which the safety of her children laid. These heroes were still humans (except for Thor, but sincerely Laura didn’t see the difference between the blond and the rest of the team) so they were prone to make mistakes, and that was good because that made them reachable, people could emphasize with them; nevertheless their mistakes usually lead to destruction at grand scale, and people was afraid even if they had save them, it didn’t mean they weren’t scare.

Fights usually came with collateral damage, not only from the bad guy, but some of them from their heroes. How could a normal person understand the death of a loved one? A death caused for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, death that was from a mistake for a carelessness of one of the team.

People was afraid and when cornered it’s obvious that they would react. Laura wondered if Clint thought of that.

“I am sorry, Laura” Tony said quietly, “I will fix it”

She didn’t know if he referred at Clint being of prison or him now being a fugitive.

“He chose, Tony” She answered him, “He knew the risks”

Clint hasn’t been that naïve, she was sure of that.

“I can tell you his…”

“Don’t, if he wants, he will call me”, Laura said calmly, “You are doing your job, I don’t agree with your actions but I understand that you’re following orders, and it was strange coming from you”

“I know…I just wanted to do the right thing” he confessed, Laura could her the defeat in his voice.

“Sometimes doing the right thing is more complex that just agreeing with what everybody says it is”

“So you didn’t agree with the Accords” He wasn’t asking her, “Which was something that will protect normal people and keep us in control”

The ‘ _like you_ ’ went unsaid but Laura heard perfectly, she sighed.

“No, you are people too…but I know where they come from, you are more than us and that sometimes is scary”

“It was the only bridge”

“But not the only solution” Laura knew it and she also knew that Tony realized that, “Not everything is white and black”

“I know” Tony said a little angry, “I know and I am working but they didn’t realize that…they just put us in a worse position.”

“Keep fighting then, if you fall the get up and fight again, fight for what you believe Tony, and if the rest don’t understand that is not your problem”

Laura knew that neither side was right, they were worse than kids seriously.

“If you need help” Laura closed her eyes imaging how this call would end, “call me”

“Hmm”

It was a mess and she was afraid for them.

.

.

.

There was a package curiously sent via FedEx than the usual messenger from Stark Industries, it had passports for her and the children, some credit cards and an envelope with a lot of hundreds.

There also has a note with ‘ _I am sorry_ ’ wrote on it, with Nat’s calligraphy.

Tony’s idea and Natasha’s approval, Laura was sure as she saw the coordinates masked in the package.

.

.

.

“The thing is Mr. Stark that they’re fugitives, we can ignore that and pretend that every time they go and ‘save’ someone they’re right”

“People save other people all the time”

“Yes, but they aren’t vigilantes”

Tony sighed and pressed his nasal septum in order to prevent the headache that this conversation was causing him. He observed Everett Ross who was sitting in front of him trying to see what was his game; Tony didn’t have the opportunity to know more about the man during well what the Government had denominated ‘Civil War’, he just knew that the man ¾lawyer whatever he was¾ was the liaison and principal interrogator in the case against Barnes. Though, FRIDAY discovered an interesting connection of the man with Wakanda.

Thus Tony was not so sure where Everett Ross loyalty lies. If he wanted to help the Super Heroes community or just, like it seemed the rest of the UN, wanted dog attacks for their personal agendas.

“They won’t sign the Accords” Tony deadpanned.

“No, they won’t” Ross agreed, “At least not _these_ Accords.”

That Tony knew that’s why he was working on something else…in something that it was impossible for this man to have knowledge of it.

“And what you propose Mr. Lawyer” Tony said following the other man’s game.

“We can begin trying to drop the charges against Captain Rogers, Wanda Maximoff, Clint Barton, Sam Wilson, Scott Lang and if we are good and our ‘guest’ Zemo cooperate Sergeant Barnes”

“Too late I’m already working on that…so tell me Ross what do you really want? You’re with the UN, you expect something from us for this ‘help’”

Everett Ross smirked while he got up; he arranged his suit and smoothed the inexistent wrinkles on it.

“That Mr. Stark, we can discuss in another time. Now I’ve a meeting with some of the UN panel that required a briefing of the last developments”

Tony glared at the man until he abandoned his office, he still didn’t trust Ross like the other Ross in his life, he didn’t like all the mystery and uncalled help. That man had his own agenda, Tony was sure of that. What could Ross gain of all of this? That question was what bugged Tony the most.


	4. Doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve didn’t know if Tony was still the same man that Steve was friend of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys it will be available for all the world...and I want to see it again.

**Chapter 4: Doubts.**

_“I am sorry Tony, but he is my friend”_

_“So was I”_

.

.

.

He had seen the end of his relationship with Pepper long ago, before the Mandarin, after his trip to the wormhole. But he tried, because that woman was one of the best things that happened in his life…he loved her and he wasted a lot of years with his head in his ass and not seeing, even then Pepper loved him and she was wonderful for that reason and thousands more.

But just like every good in his life he had to go and ruin it.

He could see her rimmed red eyes, the tense lines around her eyes and mouth, how the light in her eyes diminished every time he returned from a mission with the Avengers. How being Iron Mas was consuming her and how not being was killing him.

“I am sorry Tony”

Tony dreamed with the sound of her heels and the wheels of her suitcase leaving their home. But some part of himself ¾an ugly one¾ feels free, he could be Iron Man again without excuse, he could return with his team. He could protect people.

Then the Accords happened and he lost something he hasn’t even considered having.

.

.

.

_“I love you Pep”_

“I know, but you love someone else too”

.

.

.

Tony sometimes dreamed with eyes so blue like the sky and smiles that shined like the sun at noon. He woke up from those dreams with the sensation of a fresh essence in his nostrils and relaxed in a way that only seldom times he could achieve.

He felt the same every time Steve smiled at him with proud in every line of his face. That usually made him uncomfortable after some minutes and he didn’t know why.

But maybe Pepper’s words had a ring of true in them. Could be why this damn fight hurt too much for being simple friends.

.

.

.

There were hearings and a lot of reunions with the UN Committee scheduled. Every each of them more tedious that the previous; always repeating the same tirade, the same charges and the need of control, the fear concentrated in the form of an unjust Accord.

“So in summary, you’re telling us that we have to give our life and hope with doing that we don’t end in a prison, because I only hearing that” Tony said tersely, “That every time we think in doing the right thing, of saving people, we have to wait for you to get your collective asses out of your head and deem the situation appropriate, risking with that the lost of several life”

>>“You are telling us to fight your wars and bleed for you and your political agendas” Tony paused taking air and seeing each member of the Committee, “Then we have a disagreement, we didn’t sign to that…we sign for an opportunity to reach a compromise not to turn us in your watch dogs.”

“What are you trying to tell us, Mr. Stark?” A woman snapped all stern voice and glare, “You work for…”

“We didn’t work for anyone, we protect the people on the Earth…simple as that”

“Your group is a menace” A old man with a severe problem of baldness interceded, “You need to be watched”

“Yes we need regulations, but we don’t agree in your proposals” Tony nearly shouted caching himself in time, he needed to control his temper; he didn’t want to fall in their stinky hands.

“Then what do you propose, Mr. Stark?”

There in the center of the table was Everett Ross making the same question of their last meeting, the man had a placid expression in his face immune at the sound of disagreements of several members of the UN, waiting calmly for an answer he already knew. Waiting like a good part of the Committee, of those who wanted to reach and agreement, all of them names that Tony and Natasha agreed in the possibility of being in their side…the side that wanted to save people.

“We present an initiative, one of some of you I am sure already heard of it, The Avengers Initiative, though with some changes”

“What kind of changes, Mr. Stark?” Everett asked lifting and eyebrow skeptic at the name.

“That Mr. Ross you could read in the e-mail I sent some minutes ago”

The room erupted in whispers and keyboard clicks, Natasha next to him rolled her eyes annoyed at Tony flippancy, Rhodey on the other side smirked.

They had an opportunity, it was time for them to fight back…together as they must have been since the beginning. Well at least the few of them that remain.

.

.

.

Tony sometimes woke up screaming, his throat on fire and having not recollection of crying but feeling the moisture in the corner of his eyes.

His nightmares had a lot of sources: sometimes it could be Afghanistan, other times Obadiah, for a time the wormhole was the principal and with it the anxiety attacks, then it was Aldrich and Pepper falling, after Wanda it was his team death that still remained, Ultron.

And now it was Steve and Barnes, both of them hitting and breaking…hearing the same line time after time.

_“…he is my friend”_

Sometimes they killed him, other ¾the worse of them¾ he killed Steve.

Tony knew that they were more memories than other thing, some of them with macabre twist. But undeniable all of his nightmares held a hint of true in them, and that was what made them more horrible.

.

.

.

Steve stared at his phone with conflicted feelings, he passed his index finger of his right hand at the sides of the piece of technology, waiting for a call he was not sure he would ever receive. Waiting for words but he didn’t know what kind of them he hoped to receive.

He wanted Tony forgiveness, of course; Steve knew that below that iron mask was a kind man, even if Tony denied it.

But aside from that he didn’t really know what else to expect, they hadn’t changed of opinion, Tony was still in favor of those ridiculous Accords and he couldn’t think of them without wanting to destroy something.

So, he was there staring at his phone like every day when he was not training or exploring Wakanda with the rest of his team. He could have call Tony and end that pathetic waiting, but he had this fear of Tony not answering…of finding the number disconnect…unreachable.

Though, Steve missed his friend and those silly calls the genius sometimes did when he wasn’t in the complex improving their gadgets; his lame jokes that Tony didn’t recognize as bad, the crazy ideas of outings for bonding, and their own get together in some restaurants in New York.

_“So was I”_

He still could hear the broken tone filled with defeat and wanted to scream and told that infuriating mind that he still was his friend.

That Steve cared for him and he regretted that the things ended like that, but he didn’t lamented defending Bucky.

“Hey Cap” Sam interrupted his musings, he left the phone on the coffee table in front of him, his friend smirked at the sight of that, “Missing Sharon? man you have it bad”

Steve shook his head and didn’t answer that, left Sam imagining whatever he wanted. However, Sam mentioned Sharon reminded him that he hadn’t call on weeks, neither do her…and it was weird, because you must missed hearing of your lover one way or another if you were separated. He would think about it another time.

“Have you seen the news?” Sam asked serious leaving the teasing almost immediately.

“No, anything interesting?”

“Just Stark announcing a revamped Avenger’s Initiative” His friend spited, “They didn’t give details but it caused commotion…”

Sam talked a little more and Steve begun to guess what Tony was playing at, didn’t the Accords already caused a lot of damage. He still wanted to play God after Ultron.

“We need to talk to T’challa” Steve stated getting up from the loveseat, “We need inside information”

“Already on it”

He missed his friend, but Steve didn’t know if Tony was still the same man that Steve was friend of.

.

.

.

 


	5. Let's not pretend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One thing was forgive and forgetting was totally different from it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay Mother's day and present hunting was my excuse. Hope you enjoy this chapter, thank you for the support and let's give this author your opinion. Happy Mother's Day btw!!

**Chapter 5: Let’s not pretend.**

“So you knew about it” Tony didn’t make a question.

Natasha observed him, the defeated stance without the cocky charade that was normally in his features, the sadness in his eyes and all the discolored bruises of a painful fight, pain from fighting a super soldier or a friend maybe from both. It was a Tony that she had never seen even when the man was dying he didn’t look like this.

She felt remorse like few things in her life made her feel. She wondered if telling him the true would have change something in all this debacle, that following Steve request of not telling Tony about what Zola said about the death of his parents was the right decision. Because at the end it was a petition from a person that she considered a friend, from someone of their team that she didn’t trust…at that moment there weren’t a lot of people she could confide not after discovering HYDRA in SHIELD.

“Yes I knew” Tony deserved the truth, “And I agreed with Steve in not telling you”

Tony has already spent years agonizing about it and they didn’t want to open the wound again.

“I deserved to know, they were my parents” Tony nearly shouted, furious like Natasha has never seen before.

“You have already made peace with…”

“Don’t…just don’t decide what I feel, you didn’t asked you, like always, just presume to know what the fucking hell is going on with me” Natasha nearly flinched at the look of betrayal in Tony’s eyes, in the cold on his voice, “It is good when everyone but me keep a secret something, I don’t have the right to keep something for myself…but you know what I don’t care anymore, you could still excuse yourself saying it was for my own good or whatever reason you thought it was the right thing to do; however, you and him loose the right to demand not to keep secrets, the fucking trust that I made myself believe I had in you… This was the last time I let you betray me”

Natasha saw him regain his self-control and put on the mask he used on strangers…in people he didn’t consider close to him and it hurt more like she believed it would. She didn’t know how much she cared for Tony and appreciated his friendship until now, when she didn’t have it anymore.

“And for your information, I had never made peace with their death, with my Mom’s death; I’ve always blamed Dad for her death now I know that he didn’t kill her driving drunk it was just for being with him, that’s something I guess”

She was left alone in that impersonal room, Tony was another person that she drove away.

.

.

.

Tony didn’t trust Natasha, but he understood the necessity to work with her. She was like the bridge between him and Steve’s team.

So he let her know about the new reform on the Avengers Initiative, Tony talked with her about it and asked her opinion. He disclosed to her what he deemed pertinent for the others to know, even if they never sign this new accord, Tony just hoped that knowing what it was about was enough deterred for them to do something stupid.

Tony was a professional, a businessman, he made his relationship with her what it must have been since the start just a business transaction.

.

.

.

When he finished to read Steve’s letter, Tony did two things; the first was burning the letter, he couldn’t let evidence of his contact with them for their security and his own, the second was to write his own.

Tony didn’t know if he would be able to send it, nevertheless he begun to compose one.

It said something about being sorry too for not being able to protect their teammates and explaining that he didn’t know about the Raft. Tony wasn’t sorry for their last fight, he was still hurt but he understood that Barnes was only the gun and not who ordered the attack, that he would never be okay with it, but at least he would be civil with Barnes.

Tony didn’t write that he forgave Steve, but he put on paper something that it was almost like forgiveness.

 _“I won’t forget that you hid this from me it doesn’t matter to me your reasons, maybe one day I will able to live with that and forgive you, but letting it go still sounds like a betrayal to her and that I can’t do it anymore”_.

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There was Peter and after him were Sam and Kamala, all them so young, so eager to do the right thing…to save people.

They were more; Tony knew that, a lot of them in the shadows and didn’t want recognition. Though the world needed them, every time that the Avengers came out it was something bigger than the previous, it was harder and had more casualties and sincerely they were understaffed.

Tony wanted to make a world for them, one where their laws protect both, the civilians and their heroes. One where they could receive help and training; where accountability meant a fair trial.

Tony Stark wanted an organization big enough to protect the Earth.

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There was Anna Jarvis with her warm hugs and delicious meals, she was the one that taught him to cook even if Tony didn’t have the patience for it and most of the time he burned the food. She also taught him about kindness and forgiveness, though the last one Tony had a lot of difficulties with. Anna was perfect in a way that it was comforting; her definition of perfection didn’t have the pressure that Howard’s had. For Anna he was her perfect little gentleman.

Then there was Maria Stark, mom, with smiles that brighten any place, agile fingers that could produce music that soothed his soul, warm voice that told him ‘I love you’ every time he needed it and kisses that warmed all his being. She taught him to play piano, she told him that music was similar to the mathematics that Tony loved, she told him about patience and skill, how to wait and not rush…he wasn’t very good on that. Maria taught him sacrifice and resistance, what real love had to be about; she told him to love with almost all his being, because if he gave all, he wouldn’t have anything to return to.

“But it was okay _bambino_ , you have a giant heart with a lot of love to give”

Maria told him about not being requited, to love too much and not receive anything.

“Love is both selfish and selfness” Maria said with a sad smile, “It’s paradoxical”

Aunt Peggy taught him how to shot and present himself in front of others, about how to be brave and never let something like sex or social condition or whatever media picked up to hate, define him or construct his judgment towards someone else. Peggy Carter told him about being a woman in men’s territory, in trusting your instincts and choices, but hearing advice when given. Though, he was not really good with the advice thing.

“You trust too much”

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“I will forgive Steve given the time, but I won’t forget what he did” Tony said with a bittersweet smile, “Anna taught me better, but I am not as a good person as her”

“You are a good person” Vision said without seeing him, preferring to concentrate in the concoction on the stove, some Paprika dish that Tony or Rhodey would end trying, “You make mistake like the rest of the people, but the difference, like the other in our position, is that we have power and that makes our mistakes more dangerous”

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[tbc]

 


	6. Oblivion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, real life was being difficult, hope you enjoy the chapter.

**Chapter 6: Oblivion.**

There was Carol Danvers and Tony for the first time in months smiled.

There was Captain Marvel and for a moment it meant hope.

Carol read the Accords and agreed that they need some kind of control, she didn’t agree in what those Accords propose as a form of control; she was disgusted at the RAFT, but she was willing to compromise.

She also read the new Avengers Initiative, Carol took her time but finally mailed Tony to schedule a date and talk about his proposal together.

“It’s not perfect” that was the first thing that Carol said to Tony after introductions and small talk, “But it could be, if you want this to have a go, you will need more supporters”

“I don’t think they’re willing to talk”

“Nah, they’re a just nervous…leave it to me, I’ll talk with some of them to read it and give a shot”

Tony didn’t like the idea of more people getting his hand in that document before it was presented to the UN, but he asked Carol’s opinion and now he was getting a help he sincerely didn’t expect and Tony wouldn’t be a fool to reject it.

“It will be worthy Mr. Stark”

“Tony, Ms. Danvers, and I hope so”

“Then it’s Carol, Tony” She smiled at hind and offered her hand for a handshake.

He was grateful for her cooperation and willingness to read his proposal before deciding.

It was a beginning.

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Sometimes he wondered what he did wrong for Steve’s reluctance to talk.

There were heroes that didn’t want anything to do with the Government, but they accepted to read their proposal. They were willing to compromise in order to satisfy some of his demands.

Some of them wanted to remain anonymous, something Tony was sure General Ross would not approve. But at the end, the Secretary of Defense was not a member of the UN, Tony would sure as hell revoke any position of power from this man on their Initiative.

The RAFT wasn’t even in the first draft that they had signed.

_“Sometimes my teammates don’t tell me things”_

Steve Rogers was such a hypocrite.

Sometimes Tony woke up feeling cold and shivering, his body remembering the hours in Siberia until Vision came for him, the suit powerless and making everything colder…the shield in front of him and the sounds of a quinjet going up and going far from there.

_“I don’t trust a guy without a dark side”_

He would have better never trust Steve after all.

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One of their first talks with Rhodey was about his parents’ death…about why Vision had to go to Siberia for him.

“I understand why he did that, not wait Tony let me finish” His friend admonished when he saw his intention to interrupt, “I understand that he didn’t want to hurt you, I do know where he is coming from and Steve didn’t do it with malice; but he also didn’t do it only for you wellbeing the way I’d have done it…he though about the repercussions of you knowing that it was his friend who murdered them or at least he suspected, he wanted to protect Barnes and that it was something I respect because he was protecting his friend.” Rhodey squeezed his shoulder a gave him a sad smile, “What I didn’t forgive is that in the way to protect his friend he also hurt another friend, Steve hurt my best friend…and Tony if I’ve known about your parents, I’d have told you; because I have known you for years and you trusted me to tell you things even if you don’t like them, but Cap? He didn’t really know you…maybe because he didn’t have the intend to do it or simply didn’t have the time, he chose wrong and ended causing you pain and for that I can forgive him”

“But you don’t have…”

“I don’t have to hold a grudge? Maybe but you are my best friend not him and Tony I will always be on your side, you ride with me, remember”

He hugged him like when he founded him in Afghanistan and Tony felt safe like that time, because Rhodey was on his side and if someone know about doing the things right it was his best friend.

“Thank you Honeybear”

“You’re welcome Mr. Stank”

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He called for a debriefing after hearing Sam’s information about To-Stark. Steve couldn’t understand Stark’s insistence in those Accords, in giving another people, people with hidden agendas, the control; the power that they hold was dangerous and in the wrong hand it could be devastating.

They were still the safest option, they knew about their weakness and how to calm each other in case of emergency. As a team they could go to missions where they were needed without waiting a committee giving them the order and with that losing the lifes they were supposed to protect.

“Stark likes to play being God and deciding what it’s the best for everyone, without hearing our opinions with him backstabbing his teammates without care” Clint said bitterly, “Didn’t really surprise me that he is still promoting those damn Accords”

“They’re different, a new Avengers Initiative or so he is saying” Sam specified with a serious expression, “We need to get a copy of that Initiative even if we won’t sign it, only to know what kind of deal they are offering to the UN and whichever accepted the document”

“Whatever he is proposing it didn’t change the fact that the control is in hands of the UN, a new name and more specifications don’t make it different from its predecessor” Steve declared with a sour face, “They still wanted us as their attack dogs”

Wanda was silent watching her teammates discuss the contents of this new proposal, all them sporting the same range of emotions from bitterness to anger, talking in circles about the same things. It was a little tiring, after months of hearing them complain and they being stranded here it was exhausting. She changed of jail from the Avengers Complex, the RAFT and now Wakanda; Wanda wondered if Cap saw it as that.

Someone put Stark interview in the TV of the conference room and begun to whisper trying to dissect Stark’s corporal gives.

“You know, Hank (the guy that invented my suit) told me to never trust a Stark” Scott begun in apropos of nothing, “But I know Stark’s work, y’know, in my sting as thief I had never encounter better security than his, only with the suit I was able to pass some of the more difficult defenses of the A-Complex, so if he was really involved in the RAFT thing, why Steve was able to free us”

 _‘Maybe because he didn’t have an idea about that prison’_ Wanda guessed, or _‘maybe because he thought of them as a penance or something’_ , , but the last didn’t went well with what she saw the last time. Stark was disconcerted seeing they there, she wasn’t able to use her powers but she could read his corporal behavior; Wanda knew better Stark after the month working together.

There were a lot of thing they didn’t know.

“We will have to wait for Natasha or his Highness for more information then” Wanda said.

Scott nodded next to her.

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There were a lot of things that he couldn’t tolerate; one of them was not being in control and in that moment it what was happening.

Stark and his dumb proposal was making his work harder, giving hopes to those all unruly vigilantes. That man didn’t know what he was playing with, all that power and without control? Bad idea; just like the Hulk or now Captain America.

Those vigilantes needed someone who knew what to do, they couldn’t go unsupervised, they were weapons and as that they need to be registered, studied and put in an optimal function considering its abilities.

They lived to serve them, those who had to rely in their powers…so those who had the experience need to be in control; not some loose canon like Tony Stark. The UN needed to put in charge someone with experience like him, General Ross, he who had the temple to follow the Accords as it said, without all that sentimentality that the law mustn’t have.

He needed to take care of Tony Stark and he would do it, for the good of the World, of course.

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[tbc] 

 

 


End file.
